The curse of the open mind

I'm sure I've complained about this before, and I am sure it is not going to do me any favors to do so aloud in cyberspace... in fact, I am confident that this post will just be additional fuel for the "Katy is a completely delusional narcissist" fire that my paranoid, conspiracy theorist mind has convinced me is burning deep in each of your hearts. but... I keep typing. I know you all like this blog. let's face it, it's entertaining. and I'll do anything for love.

So, I have noticed lately that the tiny ball of bitterness I carry around inside of me is growing. Every day it is watered, fed, and fertilized by an interaction with someone else and it is far beyond a seedling now. I think it may be even be flowering as a precursor to bearing fruit. Let's just say... it's a mature plant now. :)

Basically, I have a gift. I can see my effect on a situation. I can see, and often clearly and quickly, how I can negatively or positively effect a situation; what I can say or do to escalate a conflict or help it dissipate. It's a pretty cool skill... I don't always use it for good. Sometimes I see where things are going and I still choose the road of conflict and continued drama mongering... sometimes I ignore it all together, but most of the time, more so now that I am a mature (scoff!) adult I use my gift for good.

When my husband is bitchy and clingy I know what I can do to turn his mood around in less than 1/2 an hour and I "do it". When someone at work is frustrated because they have a lot on their plate, I offer to do things for him and switch into a caretaker role ignoring my own need for the same respect. When engaged in a debate with someone of differing beliefs I often choose to open my mind and show them that I understand where they are coming from; point out to them the ways in which I agree.

But you know what doesn't happen often? My husband rarely says to himself "I am being a jerk because I'm horny, I'm going to go rub one out and then be nicer to the people around me." My co-workers rarely see me drowning in a sea of tasks and offer to help. My friends of differing opinions rarely agree that my point of view has ANY validity.

Why is that? Why does it fall on me to do the right thing... just because I know what the right thing is?! Is that it?! And if that is it... am I really to believe that these competent, caring, intelligent people around me don't also know the right thing? How can that be?

I guess I am just too brilliant for this world... me and spiderman. With great power comes great responsibility. sigh. Sorry Mary Jane, it's just too dangerous for us to be together, you'll only be hurt by the aftermath of my exceedingly enlightened lifestyle.

chuckle chuckle snort!