Tis the season to be vomiting...

fa la la la lalalala!

It occurred to me yesterday as I hung my head over the toilet bowl that I may get sick every year around this time... I wonder what I can do about that. I'll have to start being more mindful of where my head and heart are next year starting in early November.

I figure since I spent an entire 24 hours puking literally, it might be time for a little verbal diarrhea to accompany it. Old school Kate style.

I'm exhausted... and completely out of patience. Wait a minute, scratch that. I have ENORMOUS amounts of patience but I use it all up daily on my toddler. Who, frankly, is the most deserving. I think it's reasonable for an 18 month old to act like a baby... not so much for adults.

I have 11 emails marked as unread in my inbox reminding me to respond to people that I treasure and long to connect with to make my life more meaningful than what it is inside the walls of this house... but I'm so tired.

I need a sign, or instructions. Feeling a little lost. Feeling a little left out, a little hurt, a little unimportant, a little judged, a little under appreciated, a little underpaid, a little worried, a little potentially homeless or bankrupt.

It occurred to me the other day that when you don't have enough money to pay all of your bills moving is not the only choice. You can call all your utility companies and creditors and ask for a little wiggle room. That seems like a good plan, a nice way to buy an extra month... but does it sound like I have the energy to do something like that? If only I had a partner to do these sort of things. Someone who is frustrated at not being able to find work and needs some purpose, some way of contributing in a meaningful way to help rebuild his sense of self. If only.

By the way, this is the first blog post ever that I composed without "writing" it in my head first. How did I do?