(Fill in the Blank) New Year

11:35 p.m. PST Rod and Angus sleep soundly in their beds. My champagne buzz slowly wears off leaving only the sad angry (not) drunk girl behind. Scratch that, and more clarification later.

Watched MILK tonight, it was Rod's 3rd time. He watched it once on his own, once again when I lied down to watch it the first time and fell asleep 15 minutes in, and then again tonight... high. Adam Corolla says it is like watching a whole new movie. I wouldn't know. Why all the hate? Seriously... and I know those on the other side of the issue would prefer not to call it hate... I know. I wouldn't like that either, if I was discriminating against someone (and I'm sure I am) I would hate for it to be labeled "Hate." But let's all own up here... Hate is what it is.

Don't the people who oppose gay rights see that they are taking an outdated argument for discrimination and using it again on a new population group? Remember racial discrimination (remember?! snort!)? Don't you see that "God" was the excuse for that too? The majority may rule but they most certainly are not right... not by any means.

If I weren't so numb I would be sad or angry or something else. Just confused, tired, and waiting for an answer. What did I used to do before? Back when I was more of myself... when was that anyway and when/where did I lose it? Was it motherhood? marriage? the combination? Would leaving one of those behind reclaim what was lost? Can I keep both and be found? I wouldn't mind finding something new... but SOMETHING... PLEASE!

I get it. It's hard. It's not supposed to be easy. ...but seriously. It's been hard long enough and I am in need of a break. But like I've been trying to tell Rod, in all seriousness... a break is not enough. I don't want grand gestures and fleeting moments of thoughtfulness. Don't do everything half the time, do half all the time. That's what I want and that's what I need.

So, you hear that universe? Cut me some slack or send me a sign. What's that? You say this is a sign? You've been sending them? Raining down on me for months now? Well... a decoder ring then because I'm not getting it.

Somebody PLEASE tell me what to do, and make it good... a resolution to last more than a day or two.

Potential to be Happy New Year.