Nervous Breakdown: Day Three (the conclusion?)

Today sucked... the physical symptoms persisted for much of the day. The improvement over yesterday was that I was able to control my emotions a bit better. I nearly got into it with a woman on the phone but decided it would be better to let it go. Progress for sure!

Most of the day was spent gritting my teeth and hiding behind a fake smile when people asked me how I was doing while a little person inside me was screaming "help me! i'm dying in here!" A couple people saw through the act but not being one to have breakdowns at work I made light of it, helped them joke about it to make them more comfortable and carried on with my work.

Who knew... me... queen of "everyone should let it all out all the time" holds shit in?! and well. ;)

I did a presentation with a co-worker in front of 11 disinterested trainees. I thought that would break me for sure but I survived it and built a little more self efficacy in the process.

I drove to pick up Angus and as soon as he saw me through the window he leaped off the teacher's lap, grabbed his lunch box, and ran to me laughing and shouting "momma! momma!"

Well. That certainly helped. :)

Once we got home my anxiety shifting from disabling to motivating (or should I say... normalized?). I took Angus to visit a neighbor lady who is always trying to connect with us, we walked down the street to watch some kids play with an RC car, we had dinner as a family, I put away the laundry, I attempted some sleep training (until I realized that he was sick and that was cruel and innappropriate)...

I'm hovering still. I am constantly anxious, truly... it's just part of me. But like I said above, mostly that's a motivator, it's what keeps me going. Sometimes it becomes disabling, but luckily only for most of 3 days this time it seems.

So, here's my question. When all you have is a husband, son, home, and job... and that's too much? What's gotta give? Something's gotta give...